Sunday, June 20, 2010

Boy

I crept down stealth
Pathways jagged he left open into secret places

boy hiding

When I touched him
Ready to run

When I woke him
Ready to be in my arms

When the dark and quiet hid him in love’s openness
I pretended not to know his name
Pretended not to know
Four score years and more is a long time to be alone
ungrown

Pathways jagged we have traveled
Entered whole and left fragmented

My empty spaces
Voluminous
Fill him

Fissures filled with hurt like putty gushing
He blocks entry with my bareness
Takes my nothing and turns it into mortar and brick

Yet something seeps

And now he’s left the scent of his long sleep on me
And what am I to do with that?

16 comments:

  1. Hi M...

    the imagery and sentiment is at once heavily earthed and poignant in the evocation of encounters, discoveries and departure. The afterthought in Boy, is gentle and fragile, tactile in the pain and audible in the resounding silence of all that follows in separations. It reads incomplete to me, for all the beauty of phrasing and distillation of its experience;on one hand stylistically inconsistent of all that is unsaid and lacking of its other voice... that of 'girl'. It's in danger of being seemingly accusative by the imbalance implicit in the absence of its counterweight. A comparative reads of the two versions you have suggest too the possibility of your first opening becoming the ending of your second.

    it will be a very good write...

    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. It does seem accusatory- in fact, I had "the girl" there in my first draft- and it was he who finally entered her dangerous pathways and became fragmented. I will think about your comments. They are very insightful

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awesome work. I just love your images. Reading this poem felt like I was all wrapped up in your dream thoughts. Excellent......



    Melanie

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cassiopeia ~ your feedback means a great deal to me - helps to fill the empty places

    ReplyDelete
  5. You can hear an audio reading of this at http://twaud.io/gSq I hope you enjoy

    ReplyDelete
  6. The boy does not speak.. but still encircles the beauty of poem.. the feeling of the child, mixed with that of the women.a border uncrossable..
    it feels good to get to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. cool contrasts in your words...the stanza on the jagged pathways leaving fragmented...brilliant....this has a great flow to it..and the ending question made me smile and think...nice one shot!

    ReplyDelete
  8. the intrigue of your opening stanza pulled me in straight way...great poem and thanks for sharing with One Shot

    ReplyDelete
  9. Enjoyed the contrasting qualities of shyness and forwardness... "My empty spaces / Voluminous / Fill him." Great lines. To me, the concluding question seems to curtail the emotional journey.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There's a forbidden thread running through this that makes it very haunting.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nice imagery, but I'm stuck at the "four score and more" which would make one of the characters over 80 years old. Is the "boy" trapped in an old man's mind? Is narrator an old woman who never matured?

    ReplyDelete
  12. miridunn,
    Nice flow of words, although I am a bit confused about 'the boy' referred to here. Is it to a child or to something metaphorical?
    Suja

    ReplyDelete
  13. A beautiful poem.......your blog is excellent....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow- Just stopped in and read your comments! I am delighted that you said such thoughtful words about his poem. Suja & PattiKen - I can't answer questions about the poem. I think you will find your own answers will be just as satisfying :-)) Talon- you are very sensitive - yes, a forbidden thread. Pete, Dustus, Brian, Neva - I am humbled ... thank you all

    ReplyDelete
  15. "Four score years and more is a long time to be alone
    ungrown"

    Boy...oh boy...

    Wow. This was sent to me by a friend (that's how I found your site) and she felt that it was written as my biography.

    I give your words back to you:


    "boy hiding...

    Pathways jagged we have traveled
    Entered whole and left fragmented


    My empty spaces
    Voluminous
    Fill him"

    I could copy and paste the entire poem. It is meaningful and thoughtful and so well stated.

    "I crept down stealth
    Pathways jagged he left open into secret places


    boy hiding"

    I hid and created new worlds, remaining very still in a fetal position in those
    pathways, jagged and dark, left open while wishing for secret places
    ...safe

    Sorry to get carried away, it hit home.

    boy hiding

    ReplyDelete
  16. Tolbert ~ you probably understand this poem more than anyone - I am so happy ti resounded with you and your friend

    ReplyDelete